Blue Moon II
- Creator
- Feb 12
- 12 min read
Updated: 2 days ago
Maiden's Name
Hebrew origin, derived from the Hebrew word "Chavah", which is believed to mean "living one" or "source of life" and is related to the verb "to live"
The name means Symbiosis or more literally Tent Village
Later myths claimed that this name had been preceded by Lilith.
Blue Moon
Three things cannot be long hidden:
the sun, the moon and the truth
A conversation I had decades ago has been kept safely in my backpack of memories.
It is an old memory, with cover missing and tattered pages to show it was read.
Most of her words have been lost, but the closeness I felt has remained.
Blue Moon was special.
Kindred spirits are the rarest of all encounters.
The conversation I kept was about what we do with unfinished paintings.
"Start over, learn from them."
"Even the worst painting have value," she said with sadness.
Her eyes held a truth that carried more than her words. She would later share with me what she meant.
There are three who changed my course in my Odyssey.
The first one was the most sincere and taught me about forgiveness.
The second one was the most kind and showed me compassion.
The third one was the most beautiful and taught me the power of words.
Words only have power if they are believed.
My beautiful wife taught me the most important lesson in life.
Things must be tested, including Trust.
I am grateful she made me cynical, I was far too naive.
Muse and Sirens
You must avoid sloth, that wicked siren.
My mind would recall the Maiden's words from time to time, though not often.
We shared many moments together during my last summer at the University.
I hadn't thought of her for years, until recently.
The past and present can shift back and forth, through the fabric of memory.
I kept hearing her words about forgiveness, which helped me sail through a devastating tempest in my life.
I was breaking away from my wife's words, who was trying to pull me back onto rocky shores.
I had stopped listening to her a long time ago, but I needed to go towards a voice I trusted.
It was Maiden Moon's words that lead me to safety, and reminded me of the Trust we shared.
Her words traveled through the fabric of memory because I was trying to regain Trust in others.
Her words saved me from becoming completely cynical.
I learned to Trust again, from a memory of our last conversation.
She was the most sincere person I had ever met.
My experience with her reminded me that someone like her exists.
Nature
Sincerity is the way to heaven.
I call her the Moon because that is how I think of her, a beautiful force of nature that pulled me towards her. I have never been so drawn to somone, since or after. If it hadn't been my first year with paints, who knows, I might have asked her for a dance.
I have rarely been so charmed, enchanted with her sincerity.
She told me something about herself that I will never forget.
I felt fortunate she trusted me.
My moments with her were of two friends exchanging stories that longed to be told.
For me, they were first stories told to another.
I felt safe around her to be myself. I relaxed and just spoke what was on my mind, without any filter, as did she.
She was my best friend, even if she didn't know, I know. I cherished every moment with her.
She was an amazing friend, and one I hope to find again in another.
Trust
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion
our adversaries are insane.
Trust is a gift.
In my many travels, I have met them.
Some.
Not all,
or most,
but some.
They follow their own ways.
Another's path is their own.
I learned the hard way.
Trust is a gamble.
You have to fold often.
There are players that will keep raising the stakes and never show their cards.
When Trust is given, it is not always returned safely.
What one does with Trust is a Test to the one that receives it.
If harm is is done with that Trust, both are harmed.
There is harm in taking advantage of someone's Trust.
Excuses leads to the inexcusable, which lead to the unforgivable.
My experience did not make me bitter,
in fact the opposite,
I am more hopeful,
but not when it comes to Trust.
One and done.
I became strict when giving Trust.
To give unconditional Trust is too sacred a gift.
The temptation for some, when received, it too great.
Rewards await those that receive unconditional Trust,
even between husband and wife.
First Studio
"The moon is a friend for the lonesome to talk to"
I doubt Maiden Moon thinks of me now, but for one summer, I must have been on her mind.
She visited me a lot.
I was surprised she did.
She broke up with my roommate and I figured she would stop coming by to check in on me..
It was my first year painting in my first studio. I was busy practicing and studying, but I always made time for her.
Whenever I heard the knock on the door from her, I was always happy to see her.
After my first studio, I learned that you can take it anywhere. A studio is not just a place or location, it is way of thinking.
It is a mindset.
I have carried my first studio with me everywhere I go.
My regret was that I didn't keep Moon Maiden with me.
I would have enjoyed her company in my life, instead of just the 1 year we shared, with only a memory, of the cover missing and tattered pages to show it was read.
Most of her words have been lost, but the closeness I felt has remained.
Kindred spirits are the rarest of finds.
I was too lucky to have met her on my first try.
Top of the World
"The top of one mountain is always the bottom of another."
The house where I lived had a window that led out to the roof.
It had a great view, with a cool breeze to take the heat away, and a different perspective on life.
I loved that view.
I would look up at the sky often and think how lucky I was to have those moments.
The Maiden called them Roof Talks. She would just say, "Let's have a roof talk." I would smile and be happy to be alone with her.
When it got too noisy downstairs, we would go to our spot.
It was always the two of us that went up there, a secret spot where our friendship was forged.
I wish I could remember our talks, but it has been too long, I only remember the one where she shared her story.
I shared a lot of moments with her up there, sometimes into the morning sunrise.
She is part of the reason why I have such fond memories of that view.
I was myself around her.
As strange as this sounds, she is probably the only person I was myself.
There was no other person like her.
I try to remember her more, because if I meet another like her, I will be ready.
I won't miss my chance again.
I haven't met anyone like her. But then again, I never really tried. All my relationships were made from a reply to an advance.
For someone like her, I will make the first move in the dance for once.
But that is not my priority in life, I am working in my studio writing, but if I ever get a knock on the door from someone like her, it will be different.
I will treat her like a second chance.
Kindred sprirts are the rarest of finds because you reveal your true Self.
I made a mistake of never reaching out to her once the summer was over.
I should have been a better friend.
I remember asking her why she wanted to go up on the roof with me, the first time she asked.
Maiden Moon simply said, "It looks nice out there, why not?"
I chuckled and extended my hand and pulled her through the window.
She was a part of my world, and I was a part of hers for one perfect summer.
Regret
"Never regret anything you have done with a sincere affection;
nothing is lost that is born of the heart."
Regret means something if you learn from it.
She is my greatest regret.
I should have tried to keep in touch with her.
She would have been worth the effort to have kept in my life.
Since she was my first real friend, I had nothing to compare her to.
I thought there would be many more like her.
I was too lucky.
I have always been lucky.
Love
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
I had a roommate, Siobhan, who said, "I love him, but I am his first."
"He doesn't know what he has."
"I keep telling him we are right for each other, but he just nods and says yeah."
She was annoyed when I asked how things were going with the new guy.
She continued, "We are amazing together, but I can tell he doesn't think so."
"I will most likely lose him."
"Maybe you need to tell him more?" I suggested.
Siobhan directed her annoyance at me,
"You can't just keep telling someone."
"They have to experience it for themselves."
"I drew the short end of the straw by being his first real relationship," she complained.
She chuckled to herself.
"I am his training wheels when I should be his forever pick."
"Mark, I think he is going to break up with me," she stopped laughing when she said that.
"So it's like Goldilocks?" I mused.
"What?" she was confused.
"You have to try the one who is too soft, which is too comfortable."
"Then you try the one that is who is too hard, which is too uncomfortable."
"Finally, after experiencing the two opposite ends, you are ready to decide who is comfortable for you."
She laughed, but continued to complain.
She was right.
He broke up with her.
He had nothing to compare her against.
He didn't want to settle with his first relationship.
I don't blame him, I did the same thing.
I couldn't have asked for a kinder girlfriend as my first live in.
Her kindness spoiled me.
When you feel genuine love, you never forget.
She was my training wheels.
I feel regret that I could not show her the kindness she deserved. I was too young to know what I had, too immature to know what I wanted.
She spoiled me and I broke her trust often. I wasn't ready to appreciate her.
Timing often has everything to do with success.
Three is the magic number.
After second time, you have something to compare.
Balance
"There are dark shadows on the earth,
but its lights are stronger in the contrast."
I have always been lucky.
I found my balance of luck later in life.
My marraige was opposite of Moon Maiden.
I learned that Trust needs to be tested all the time, not just the first time.
It made me realize how my faults with my first live in.
I took advantage of the kindest girlfriend.
Her unconditional Trust she gave was too great for me.
The fault was my own.
I could not match the Trust she placed in me.
I failed the Test, and my memory of my time with her, though there are wonderful memories, most are filled with regret.
I should have stepped up and showed I was worth the wait.
Life is balance and the pendulum swung the other way for me.
I had to give back from what I took and return during my marraige.
I gave all I could until there was nothing left to give.
I did my best.
I forgave my wife and moved outside her space, so that I would no longer have to forgive her any more.
To forgive the unforgiveable is the hardest Test, and I was getting bored forgiving her.
They were piling up and I needed to move on.
As far as I am concerned, my debt of wrong I did was paid in full, and then some.
I needed to get my luck back on track.
Forgiveness
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free
and discover that the prisoner was you."
It was always easy to talk to Maiden Moon.
It was sincerity without effort, honesty without intention.
It was during a long walk through the city park, late at night, that she shared a story about forgiveness.
We stopped at an empty bench.
The conversation naturally flowed to a place where she must have felt safe with me.
She told me a truth that she was carrying.
She was vulnerable when she shared her story.
She did not hesitate, but I could tell she was expecting the worst.
The Maiden looked relieved when I believed her.
I believed her.
She was not the type to exaggerate for sympathy.
She never complained.
I tried to make sense of what she told me.
I didn't fully understand then, but I tried.
After Maiden Moon finished her story,
I asked, "How could you forgive?"
She answered,
"To not forgive would have meant that I would have someone have a hold over me."
"It was horrible to feel that anger towards someone."
"It changes you, twists you so you don't suffer by causing suffering."
She paused, "I don't want to hate anyone."
"I think to hold onto that in your life empties your soul."
"I needed to heal," she sighed.
"I could not bear the suffering, which kept repeating."
"I just needed to heal…" her voice drifted sadly into the Void of Nothing.
"Did you get an apology?" I asked.
She looked at me with a sad smile, and nodded.
"I accepted the apology, but the truth is, it didn't matter."
“How can it not matter?” I asked, not understanding.
“When Trust is broken you don't need to believe them."
"You don't want to keep forgiving them by placing your Trust in them again."
She shrugged,"I forgave."
"I didn't need anything after that."
"Did you tell anyone else?" I asked.
She nodded her head and said, "Yes."
"It was too painful for them to believe."
"They did not believe."
"They could not believe."
"It was too late anyway," she said sadly.
"Too late?" I asked, confused.
"Too late for it to matter."
"The truth remains the truth."
"It doesn't matter if it is believed or not."
"Are you okay now?" I asked.
The Maiden nodded her head.
She gave her first genuine smile after telling me her story.
It was like the light at the end of the tunnel.
"I am."
"I don’t think about it often."
"All I can do is accept that it happened and not allow it to happen again."
“I forget sometimes, to be honest.”
"How can you forget such a thing?" I was shocked.
"Life goes on."
"As time passes, it no longer defines who you are."
"I don't want tragedy to define who I am, or who I become."
I didn't understand then, but I understand now..
That conversation is finally closed with my understanding of what she meant. I never forgot her words because I could never grasp why she would forgive such a thing.
Dance
"The only way to make sense out of change
is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance"
The bitter hardship grow sweeter with time.
There was nothing easy about accepting. It is not done in half measures.
I had to accept fully and let go.
I was being anchored, even if I felt justified.
The tempest survived from the passion of my mind asking why.
It only grew in strength, no matter the reasoning.
I knew why my wife did the things she did.
That is all I needed to know.
I can only judge myself from the Trust I gave.
That is the hardest climb, to accept harm done.
It went against every instinct I had, to forgive the unforgivable, without an explanation.
The Maiden's words helped me understand the reward for forgiveness.
It is not done out of weakness, or even strength.
I forgave with full measure because it was practical.
To not forgive would only burden me with moments that anchor me to the past.
I had to accept that I would never get an explanation.
All that remains are the lessons, viewed without passion.
I allowed myself peace, and settled the war within.
I was no longer attached to the moment.
I had to move on and let that part of my past sail by.
I am grateful for the trust the Maiden had in telling me her story.
She made me see that to forgive has practical value.
“When trust is broken you don't need to believe them."
"You don't want to keep forgiving them by placing your Trust in them again."
Moon Maiden shrugged,"I forgave."
"I didn't need anything after that."
Started Sept 6 2024
Feb 13/25
